Freedom II

This time it's "personal" as Patty Berglund purchases an AK-47 from a tag sale in Ramsey Hill and seeks vengence on a nearby styrofoam factory. Franzen's sequel to the masterful 'Freedom,' while bloody in parts, still manages, with incisive prose, to perform open-heart surgery on a culture otherwise plagued by high cholestoral, surmounting debt, and withering hopes.

Author Still Alive

"Thomas Lombardi, author of the acclaimed memoir, 'Did My Father Rape You, Too?', was discovered, alive, in his bed this morning in Los Angeles. "I thought he was dead," his wife said somberly over the phone, "but it turned out, he was just sleeping." There are no plans for a ceremony to mourn the author's aliveness at this time.

Marcia Gay Harden Comes Out

Following the likes of Rupert Everett, Ellen DeGeneres and Ricky Martin, Marcia Gay Harden is the latest entertainer to step out of the proverbial closet. Said gay Mrs. Gay Harden in a press conference in Beverly Hills this morning, "Maybe my parents were onto something when they named me. Who ever knows these things?"

First Suicide Note Found On Kindle

"Never again," said Jeff Bezos in a press conference this morning, speaking of the first suicide note to appear on Mary McWeather's Kindle last week, after her son, Jason, 42, took his life, "will the text in a suicide note be smeared by tearS or drops of blood. Victims can now simply save their notes as a PDF. Voila! And their departing words are forever imprinted on their relatives' Kindles!"

'Buy My Novel, Goddamnit!'

Joyce Carol Oate's 245th novel is at turns unflinchingly and brutally honest, written in a voice at once comic and tragic.

• Excerpts From ‘Buy My Novel, Goddamnit!’

Memoirist Dies While Writing Memoir

Arthur Aightus had just 7 chapters left on his memoir, "The History of My Past" when he was struck by lightning last week as the to-be author took a break from his writing, he told his wife, "to clear my thoughts." His editor, Bailey Byrne of Random House, was unsure as to how they'll complete the manuscript. "Too bad," Byrne said yesterday from his mid-town office, "he can't write from the grave. I'm sure he'd render that lightning moment with his signature somber and humorous prose."

• Times Topics: Past Articles and Information About Arthur Aightus

'The M.F.A. Professor'

This rather uneven but nevertheless gripping debut novel by 22-year-old author, Al Chayda, follows the story of Creative Writing professor, Sal Vayeschun, a lecherous alcoholic who blatantly ignores office hours, inflates grades, and exploits precious workshop time to openly hit on female students . . . until one winter morning he awakens to have found himself transformed into a gigantic, line-edited manuscript.

'Why Kerouac Slept With Trannies'

Many readers miss the real themes of “On the Road.” "Let's face it," writes Ms. Way, "'On The Road' was a blatant metaphor for Kerouac's love of lady-boy cock."

'Poems From Guantánamo: The Detainees Reek'

A collection of (Pentagon-approved) poetry from detainees at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.

'Fuck You Tube'

According to a recent study conducted by the Center for Disease Control, excessive YouTube watching causes breast, colon, cock, and vaginal cancer. And yet, we still love it. Why?

'The Prince of Columns'

The columnist Robert Novak describes his career and his yellow face.

'Farts, and What They Mean'

How flatus expelled through the anus provides a window into our mental activity.

• First Chapter