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| This week on The Banana Shake, Tom Lombardi interviews God. |
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| Ladies and gentlemen, joining us all the way from everywhere at once, God. |  |
| [applauding fearfully] |  |
| Thanks for taking your time to join us on The Banana Shake, God. | |
| Thou hast no perception of time as I. |  |
| [notes rattling in hands from nervousness] Oh. Right. Well, thanks for coming out. | |
| God's OUT? |  |
| Son, we gots to get a padlock up in this muhfucker when we're live, you know? |  |
| Okay, God. Global warming. Natural disasters. War in the Middle East. AIDS. Genocide. Religious conflict. Nuclear weapons. Terrorism. Capitalism. Greed. Gluttony. Political corruption. Disease. Everybody Loves Raymond. With all these catastrophic events, is the end of the world upon us or what? | |
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| I just want to interrupt this Flog to say that freedom haters all over world want to blow up you and your loved ones. That is all. Fly safely. |  |
| Excuse me, Mr. Cheney, we appreciate your PSA or whatever -- but we're a little, you know [pointing to God] | |
| If you want to support and harbor terrorist, be my guest. | |
| I'll have you know The Banana Shake does not tolerate terrorism. | |
| Why you getting defensive? Oh that's right, because you enjoy getting blown up into bits of flesh so small coroners will have to file your flesh fragments into ice trays. | |
| Thou spreadeth fear upon the earth! | |
| You're right. There's nothing to fear . . . except the motherfucking JIHAD! | |
| Oh snap! God just turned that vice muhfucker into a can of motor oil. | |
| The only way to stop the war on terror is to fight it with force. |  |
| Uh, Mr. Cheney . . . are you feeling all right? | |
| Never better. | |
| But God just, like, turned you into a can of motor oil. | |
| Did not. | |
| [carrying Vice President off stage] |  |
| B, what the . . . where'd the creator go? | |
| That mofo vanished like Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro's marriage, son. | |
| Well, folks, there you have it. Stay tuned for more Flogs. And for God's sake -- | |
| Note to thine's self. Make "self-promotion" a deadly sin. | |
| As I was saying, if you like the Flog, please forward it around. | |
| Better yet, drive it around. | |
www.tomlombardi.org ARCHIVED FLOGS Week #1: The Polar Ice Caps & William Safire Week #2: James Frey's Royalties & Lindsay Lohan Week #3: The cowboys from Brokeback Mountain Week #4: Scarlett Johanssen's Naked Buttocks & Blizzard of '06 Week #5: The War in Iraq Week #6: The Seriousness With Which Crash Takes Itself Week #7: Richie "Old School" Aprile Week #8: A Public Service Announcement to America's Children Week #9: Mission Implausible:III Week #10: David Beckham's Cock Week #11: God Week #12 Lance Armstrong _______ |
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