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| This week, on The Banana Shake, Tom Lombardi chats with those famous cowboys who inspired the Oscar-nominated roles for Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal! |
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| Thanks for tuning in, folks! Now, without further adieu, Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from Wyoming, USA, let's hear it for Ennis Del Mar!!! |  |
| [going nuts] |  |
| This thing you got goin' here. This flog. If word gets out. If it gets us at the wrong time. The wrong place. It can get us all killed. |  |
| Right. Okay, uh . . . thanks for joining us, Ennis. What kind of name is that, anyway? | |
| It ain't queer, you know. | |
| Sure, Ennis. How about you introduce this week's sidekick? | |
| [reading from card] Please give a warm, hearty welcome for former op-ed columnist, William Safire. | |
| I can't quit you, son. |  |
| [laughing] What up, B? | |
| This column guy. If he talks to the wrong person. At the wrong time. He'll get us all killed. | |
| Tell your boy to take a two-step back, T. | |
| Hold that thought, B. I'm being told that another guest has arrived. Why it's . . . | |
| Hell-LOW, everybody! Mmmm yeah——looks like a certain cowgirl brought her rifle for show and TELL. How many calibers, Mr. Del Mar? |  |
| [gun shot] |  |
| [violent cheering] | |
| Oh snap! That cracker just busted a cap in that bouncy mofo's ass. | |
| That guy wun't right. | |
| Ennis, are you fucking nuts! You just shot Richard Simmons. Do you realize—— | |
| Don't talk to him like that. |  |
| [smiling shyly] Jack Fuckin' Twist. I swore you off as dead. How the hell are you? | |
| [hugging, kissing, punching] | |
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| I faked my death so that we can forever live on Bareback Mount |
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| Brokeback, Jack! | |
| Whatever. Anyway, I—— | |
| I knew you two was queers. |  |
| Oh shit——it's that really, really, really angry boss of yours, Joe Aguirre. | |
| [gun shot!] |  |
| Wait, where'd that gangster-hold gun shot come from? | |
| I won't stand for a gayah hatah, dawg. | |
| There you have it, kids. If you're homophobic, you will get shot. | |
| [do-gooder roar] | |
| So. Ennis and Jack, have y'all read my novel yet? | |
| It's a clean, fast, fun read. But I can't be seen with a book like that. It's too male. | |
| I'm partial to the scene in Fire Island. | |
| You like that scene, where Hemore, the protagonist, finds himself in the meat rack section of Fire Island, questioning his—— | |
| You fucking fairies can't kill me! |  |
| [gun shot] | |
| Yee hah!!!! Nice shootin', Ennis. | |
| I got more rounds to fire later on . . . if yer intrested. | |
| Whoa hold your horses, cowboys! There're plenty of x-rated Flogs out there. So . . . what's up, B? | |
| Son, before we bounce, know any of these x-rated flogs off-hand? | |
| Let us know too!!!! | |
| Well, I'm being told our time is up. Thanks again for tuning in, folks. Hope to see y'all next week. | |
| Puh . . . eace, y'all! | |
www.tomlombardi.org ARCHIVED FLOGS Week #1: The Polar Ice Caps & William Safire Week #2: James Frey's Royalties & Lindsay Lohan Week #3: The cowboys from Brokeback Mountain Week #4: Scarlett Johanssen's Naked Buttocks & Blizzard of '06 Week #5: The War in Iraq Week #6: The Seriousness With Which Crash Takes Itself Week #7: Richie "Old School" Aprile Week #8: A Public Service Announcement to America's Children Week #9: Mission Implausible:III Week #10: David Beckham's Cock Week #11: God Week #12 Lance Armstrong _______ |
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