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| This week, on The Banana Shake, Tom Lombardi chats with that Vanity Fair Cover feature: Scarlett Johansson's naked buttocks. And, the talk of the town this weekend, the Blizzard of '06! |
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| Welcome back, folks! Brrr . . . the blizzard of '06 has arrived. But first, it's my honor to introduce, ladies and gentlemen, on the recent cover on the Vanity Fair, Scarlett Johansson's naked buttocks. |  |
| [orgasmic cheering] |  |
| [deep, sultry voice] It's nice to be here. |  |
| So. What'd you think of my novel? | |
| It's really good . . . [contemplative pause] | |
| But? | |
| Pun, son! |  |
| Oh come on, B -- you were supposed to be off this week. | |
| Scarlett J.'s butt is off the meter, son! | |
| Actually, your novel made me really horny. Butt also sad. | |
| [licentious shouting] | |
| Ese culo no es nada, bendeja! |  |
| Oh my God! Ladies and gentlemen, it's J Lo's butt. | |
| [whistling] | |
| Wait. Something just fell out of J Lo's ass. Oh it's nothing. It's just her career. | |
| [gun shot] |  |
| What the fuck was that!?! | |
| Oops. My bad. |  |
| Vice President Dick Cheney. What the hell, man? You just shot Scarlett Johansson in the butt! | |
| No I didn't. I have to go. Bye | |
| I saw it happen, papi! | |
| Thank you, J Lo's butt! | |
| Son, I got me a witness. For your case. |  |
| You know, this used to be a classy flog. | |
| Excuse me, Mr. Vice President? Do these shorts make me look too, you know, bulbous?? |  |
| Hmm, maybe I'll stay after all. | |
| That's it, I'm out. Thanks for joining us, folks. | |
| Hey what'd you guys think of Tom's novel? | |
| It's dirty. Butt I have to say, it's honest, you know what I'm sayin'? That's all that matters in someone's story. | |
| The more honest a book, the closer to the truth, and the less marketable. Butt let's face it, the most fun to read. | |
| It seems so many male authors are asexual these days. Bores me to no end. | |
| Hay girl, I'm sorry 'bout that comment earlier. | |
| It's okay, sweetie. And I'm sorry about criticizing your career. Hey, want to get a latte? | |
| Clairo que si, girl! | |
| [rappin' 50 Cent lyrics] Look homie I don't dance all I do is this. It's the same 2-step wit a lil' twist. |
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| [Wavin' hands in air] | |
| Lil' mama show me how you move it Go Ahead put ya back into it. Do ya thang like there aint nothin to it. Shake. Shake. Skhake that ass, girl. |
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| Dick, you're so gutter, so ghetto, so hood. So gully, so grimey, what's good? |
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| [in unison] Let's par . . . teeh, everybody bounce wit me. Sip champagne and burn a little greenery. |
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| [politely] Excuse me, does anyone know where the host went? I've been sitting in the green room for a long time. |  |
| You think you got it bad? | |
| I'm very sorry, sir, but I must be going. I have a lot of business that needs my tending. | |
| I don't recognize this flog whatsover. What is a flog, anyway. Rejected Novelist. Idiot! I've written tons of novels. Think I whine about them getting rejected? Nope. Know why? No one rejects me. An editor once tried to erase one of my sentences. Let's just say he now types with his nose. Hello? Hey! Who's out there? Anybody listening to me? HEY!!! | |
www.tomlombardi.org ARCHIVED FLOGS Week #1: The Polar Ice Caps & William Safire Week #2: James Frey's Royalties & Lindsay Lohan Week #3: The cowboys from Brokeback Mountain Week #4: Scarlett Johanssen's Naked Buttocks & Blizzard of '06 Week #5: The War in Iraq Week #6: The Seriousness With Which Crash Takes Itself Week #7: Richie "Old School" Aprile Week #8: A Public Service Announcement to America's Children Week #9: Mission Implausible:III Week #10: David Beckham's Cock Week #11: God Week #12 Lance Armstrong _______ |
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