This week, Tom Lombardi reunites with this sidekick, William Safire. As always, special guests stop by. B, you enjoy your hiatus from this flog? Hellz [blowing smoke ring] yeah. You catch Mission Implausible III? Shit was dope, son. How many blunts you smoke before it? Yo, when Truman Capote shot Katie Holmes in the opening scene, I was like, "Movie over, yo!" But muhfuckers stayed up in they seats, eatin' popcorn. That's some loyalty shit right there, Jack. Michelle Monaghan. Not Katie Holmes, but the resemblence is uncanny, B. Anyway, I think the movie's a metaphor for homosexuality. Elaborate. Roger Avery said this of Top Gun, and I think it applies to M:i:III. For instance, when Ethan Matthew Hunt -- Ain't it Ethan "Michael" Hunt, son? Whatever. When Ethan Mike Hunt's fiancée asks him about what he does that's so secretive, he's like, "You have to trust me." And she's all, "What is it, baby?" Ethan's all, "You have to trust me." That fool talkin' about ass fuckin, son? Who knows? I mean, Ethan is part of this "secret" agency he's not allowed to discuss. Or what about the part when Ethan says, to that black dude from Pulp Fiction, "Thanks for coming." And the black dude is like, "It's my job." That shit's layered as a muhfucker. Right? [rolling another blunt] I think I get it, Dawg. Check it, at the end, when Katie Holmes asks Mike Hunt the name of the agency, that muhfucker says, 'IMF.' Ain't that shit an acronym for I M a Fa-- Let's read some of our fan mail, shall we? Look it here, it's a letter from Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Let's read some of our fan mail, shall we? Look it here, it's a letter from Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Oh snap! It's that six-figgah novelist Harvard ho. She's a bite-ah, son! [holding in smoke] Lock up your novel. Kaavya Viswanathan, you mean -- the innocent writer manipulated by the bottom feeders at Alloy Entertainment? Kaavya Viswanathan, you mean -- the innocent writer manipulated by the bottom feeders at Alloy Entertainment? That Kaavya Viswanathan plagarized an entire novel relfects a certain . . . Morgan Entrekin, publisher of Grove/Atlantic, how'd you get on my flog? But I brought wine and cheese. Pass that shit over, muhfucker. [eating cheese, sipping wine]   So, Mr. Entrekin, you read my novel? [lighting Mr. Safire's blunt] I believe I passed that manuscript on to . . . oh yes -- Bret Easton Ellis! He'd stopped by one day to see if we had any scrap paper lying around. He was re-painting his study. It's hard out here [mounting cheese onto cracker] for a novelist. Oh well. Thanks for joining us, folks. We realize this flog's a little on the rusty side, but -- Oh well. Thanks for joining us, folks. We realize this flog's a little on the rusty side, but -- I want to make love to Tom Lombardi. Look, you rejected dick, I may have plagiarized. But I ain't sinkin' that low to steal such a pathetic line. [rollin' over the floor laughin', smoke bellowing out they mouths]   Wait. You did not read my letter! The God Almighty has given His greatness to Humans. How dare you . . . say, what kind of cheese is this? [taking a sniff] Mmmm . . . Dutch? Perhaps an aged gouda? Oh my -- and red wine! To read Ahmadinejad's letter to President Bush, click this. You never know . . . TOM LOMBARDI'S WEB SITE www.tomlombardi.org ARCHIVED FLOGS Week #1: The Polar Ice Caps & William Safire Week #2: James Frey's Royalties & Lindsay Lohan Week #3: The cowboys from Brokeback Mountain Week #4: Scarlett Johanssen's Naked Buttocks & Blizzard of '06 Week #5: The War in Iraq Week #6: The Seriousness With Which Crash Takes Itself Week #7: Richie "Old School" Aprile Week #8: A Public Service Announcement to America's Children Week #9: Mission Implausible:III Week #10: David Beckham's Cock Week #11: God Week #12 Lance Armstrong _______ To bookmark The Banana Shake Flog, click this. Tom Lombardi's Web site | email him back to top